Rubio’s Very Good Day

Some days it seems like you are hitting nothing but home runs and Marco Rubio was having that kind of day. This morning the Senate Intelligence Committee held a hearing on how various social media companies responded to the foreign influence operations of 2016. Present at the hearing were big names like Facebook Chief Operating Officer Sheryl Sandberg and Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey. During the hearing both Sandberg and Dorsey acknowledge that their companies failed to catch and stop the Russian influence campaign of 2016 and Dorsey went even further in saying that, “We found ourselves unprepared and ill-equipped for the immensity of the problems that we’ve acknowledged.”

During one moment of the hearing Sen. Marco Rubio questioned Dorsey and Sandberg about how their platforms operate in foreign markets:

“These principles of our democracy, do you support them only in the United States? Or are these principles that you feel obligated to support around the world?” Rubio asked.

“We support these principles around the world. … We would only operate in a country when we can do so in keeping with our values,” Sandberg replied.

Citing cases in Turkey, Rubio asked Dorsey: “How does blocking the accounts of journalists and an NBA player [keep] with a core tenet of freedom of expression?”

“We would like to fight for every single person being able to speak freely, and to see everything, but we have to realize that it will take some bridges to get there,” Dorsey responded.

Home run

While this was an important line of questioning from the senator, Rubio would hit another ball out of the park during a heated exchange with a crazed Texas man named Alex Jones.

Alex Jones is best known for being a failed husband, the fattest cocaine addict in the world, and having tiny greasy hands. He is also a host of a radio show that few with any serious intellect pay attention to.  While Rubio was answering questions from the press, Jones wondered over while loudly babbling like a drunken five-year-old.

For those of you who can tolerate buffoonery, you can see the video of the exchange here.

The first blow Rubio landed on Jones was when Rubio claimed to have no idea who this crazy man was. If this is true, good on Rubio from staying away from the kind of media Jones wallows in. If Rubio did know who Jones was then this is some level 100 grand master trolling. Pretending to not know who Jones was clearly drove him over the edge. Watching Rubio question the relevancy of Jones was like watching Rubio gut punch a man.

Rubio seen drinking the tears of Alex Jones

The second blow came when at one point during the exchange Jones reached over to Rubio and patted him on the shoulder with his, aforementioned, tiny greasy hands. Rubio (obviously appalled by the impossible level of grease that was present on his hand) went on to have this exchange with Jones:

“Hey, don’t touch me again, man,” Rubio said. “I’m asking you not to touch me.”

“Well, I just patted you nicely,” Jones said.

“Well, I don’t want to be touched — I don’t know who you are,” Rubio said.

Jones asked if he was going to be arrested, to which Rubio responded: “You’re not going to get arrested, man. You’re not going to get arrested. I’ll take care of you myself.”

And the crowd went wild. BAMF status confirmed. Rubio would then land the knock out punch when he dismissed the man yet again by calling him a clown and walking away to go be a relevant political leader. Jones was left with nothing but the scraps of a press pool that Rubio left behind, and Jones ate it up like some sort of feral dog.

It’s hard to deal with hecklers like Jones but Rubio did so expertly. Later, when asked about the exchange, Rubio had some excellent closing words:

“I know you’ve got to cover it, but you give these guys way too much attention. We’re making crazy people superstars, so you’re going to get crazier people.”

-J.A. Callaway